10/10/2012

Violence.

After 27 years of this work, i have gotten used to it i guess.

It is the nature of what we/STA does due to our typical client.

When i say typical, i mean within the last five years.  It has not always been like this.

In the 80′s, the homeless i helped were much much different.  They were middle aged for the most part and at times yes elderly.

In the 90′s they became more diverse but still had pretty much the same demeanor.

That all seems to have changed here in this era of the 2000′s.  In addition to disabled veterans and the others, They are now, infants, teens both male and female,  young women, young men, and many severely mentally disabled.  I could go on and on.  It’s ugly out there.

People in general, whether they be homeless or not seem to believe they can simply do whatever they want to do without any ramifications.  In many cases when they become homeless from those ramifications it gets even worse.

Since 2007, it has seemed that God has directed His Son Jesus to bring those to me, to STA.  Not entirely sure why other then maybe because of my personality i guess and upbringing.  I have been around the “streets” most of my life.

Due to many different circumstances here in our country, how the assistance system is set up, peoples direction or lack of direction, upbringing or lack of upbringing, wars and being discharged to nothing from those wars, and lack of support, the frequency of violence has increased considerably.

For the last two months i have been assisting a 66 year old male who has been homeless in one capacity or another for the last 40, i repeat 40 years.

I cannot count the number of violent outbursts he has had in my presence.

Part of it i attribute to this battle with satan.  Absolutely attribute it to that.

Part of it i attribute to the vietnam combat war and many other things i won’t get into here.

27 years, for 27 years i have done this work i one capacity or another.

For the last 5 years, going on 6 years, i have dealt with increased violent behavior.  Worked through it, dealt with it and solved it.

I am 53.  Maybe i am getting tired or something.  But i am getting to the point where i simply do not want to place myself in the middle of the violence anymore.  I know when it will occur and how, i can see it and predict it.  I am able to diffuse it at times and at other times i cannot ending up in having to physically remove the person from our Mobile Crisis Van or simply end our conversation.

I am used to it i guess you can say, but i simply do not want to be.  My wife worries also.  It causes strain.

There are plenty of people both homeless and not, who are in need of and want our help, yours and mine.  Many who are not violent or do not have violent tendencies.  PLENTY of people.

And BTW, the violence for the most part only comes out once they get to know you and they feel they can show their true colors or can’t help themselves/hide anymore.

I REPEAT….

There are plenty of people both homeless and not, who are in need of and want our help, yours and mine.  Many who are not violent or do not have violent tendencies.  PLENTY of people.

Why can’t i simply help them?  Why won’t Jesus guide me to just them?

In the case of this man i have been assisting for the last two months, he has burned every bridge he has ever crossed.  Every single one of them.   I am 100% confident and have proof it is due to his violent nature.  A nature of which he does not believe that he has the ability to control.   He is burning his bridge with me and STA, in fact even used explosives you could say.

YES, as i have said before….. I do believe every bridge can be rebuilt.  STA has helped rebuild many.

So me, in my desire to not be placed in this position of violence anymore, if i was to cease assisting this 66 year old Vietnam Veteran, who would help him?  Who would be next?  Will it be you maybe?  Or someone else?

Who?

Why Me Jesus?  Why do you want me?

If i stop helping him due to these violent uncontrolled outbursts of his, where will he be?  He will remain in his 40 year cycle of horror.  His violence is not a happy place for him either.

His 40 year trip through the forest for you Bible readers.

If i stop assisting him, if STA stops assisting him, i myself will not be subjected to the violent uncontrolled outbursts….

But he will once again be alone….

There is not an easy answer or solution, because this one will take at least one year of daily interaction to resolve.

I am fighting Jesus and His Father’s direction because i am growing weary of the violence.   They always seem to win over my objections however.  I am still fighting their instructions though because i as a person desire some peace and quiet.

What would You do?